Anagolay of the Abyss by Rob Manansala of Gilroy, California

Anagolay of the Abyss

by Rob Manansala

Gilroy, California

What is the Abyss, exactly? Some people say that the Abyss is a deep, boundless space. Others say it is like a bottomless pit, full of mysteries and darkness. No matter what we think about the Abyss, we might be better off to ask someone who lives in it to know more about it…

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When I was a young boy, my Lola (Filipino word for Grandma) told me many tales about otherworldly creatures. One creature was called the Duende - assumed to be a mischievous tiny spirit that can inhabit your home. Another was called the Kapre - described as a hairy, muscular, and terrifying tree giant. The main reason why my Lola told me all about these creatures was to scare me if I ever wanted to wander off into the jungles to play outside - especially when it was dark outside or if I was alone. Among all the many scary creatures that my Lola would meticulously describe to me, there was one who was supremely mysterious but benevolent…

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Her name is Anagolay. According to Filipino folklores and legendary tales, Anagolay is a goddess of lost things. Many consider her to be strongly connected with the cosmos - so much so, that one particular asteroid close to Earth was named after her in 1982. I cannot remember exactly how my Lola described her to me, but I do remember her telling me this: “Anagolay is someone who can help guide you back home whenever you are lost - both physically and spiritually.”

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There is a popular quote that comes from Friedrich Nietzsche’s book called Beyond Good and Evil: “If you stare long enough into the Abyss, the Abyss will also stare back into you.” Many translations and interpretations have spawned from Nietzsche’s work, and my Lola had some of her own hunches. She seemed to resonate with Anagolay and the Abyss. Sometimes, my Lola would tell me that Anagolay came from the Abyss and lives there. Other times, she would tell me that Anagolay herself is the Abyss. She would often say to me, “If you ever find yourself lost in the Abyss, Anagolay is always there with you and watches over you. She can guide you out of the Abyss and help you return back home.”

~

Sure enough, there was a time when I got lost in the jungle while playing outside. I had just eaten breakfast for dinner, so I smelled like fried rice, sunny-side-up fried eggs, and longganisa (Filipino pork sausages). I remember being so scared - not so much because I was lost. I thought, since I smelled so delicious because of what I ate for dinner, it would attract all the scary creatures into finding me and eating me alive! So, I started crying and yelling as loud as I could, thinking that I can shout away and scare off close-by scary creatures. Of course, no scary creature came…but inside a hut close to the river bank, I saw some type of light that started to flicker from the window. All of a sudden, the raggedy sheet metal door that had moss and rust all over its front swung wide open. I could not see who or what it was at first because it was so dark outside but once my eyes adjusted from the light coming from the hut, I saw an old person with a very hunched-over back standing right in front of me.

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I could not tell if it was an old man or lady. I couldn’t tell how to respectfully greet the person with Manong (Filipino word for Mister) or Manang (Filipino word for Ma’am). I could only say hello. It is considered rude if you did not address an older man or woman with Manong or Manang; but hello was all that I could muster. With a nasal but harmonious voice, they asked me, “Where do you live?” At this point, I was so scared that I thought up in my mind that this person would follow me to my house, know where I live, and someday come to my house and hurt me. I hesitantly replied with, “Kinda close by.” The old person looked down and then let out a deep, slow sigh. They turned around and started to slowly limp back towards the hut. Before they got to the rusty sheet metal tha was serving as a front door, they tilted their head towards me and silently said, “All that is taken from the Abyss will someday be returned to it.”

~

Somehow, I made it back home. I told my Lola about what had happened, and she laughed so much that she had to sit back down on her rocking chair to catch her breath. “That was Old Man Kenny,” she said to me, explaining who that old person was. Old Man Kenny was actually a Vietnamese refugee who escaped from Vietnam during the war. He settled in our city and became accustomed to our culture and our mother tongue. “But one thing sounds off,” my Lola suddenly said. “I thought for certain that Old Man Kenny was blind.” I became silent. To this day, we do not know how Old Man Kenny was able to spot me during the night I was lost. Maybe…just maybe…Anagolay guided him to find and comfort me while I was lost in the jungle.